The Ice Cream Machine by Adam Rubin

Author:Adam Rubin [Rubin, Adam]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Young Readers Group
Published: 2022-02-15T00:00:00+00:00

IV

The Ice Cream Machine

(the one with the evil ice cream man)

illustrated by

EMILY HUGHES

Cromulous Blotch was the worst ice cream man the world had ever seen. He was mean, he was filthy, and, worst of all, he hated ice cream. He drove his grimy truck at top speed around the neighborhood, hardly ever stopping for kids to get frozen treats. Instead, he shouted insults at them as they dove out of the way to avoid getting run over.

“Hey, four-eyes, go fall down a hole!”

“Yo, ugly! Your face makes me barf!”

“Attention, tiny loser: you stink!”

Occasionally, he did actually give a kid an ice cream cone, but not before dipping it in coffee grounds or chalk or sand. His favorite trick was “accidentally” dropping the ice cream to the ground just as a kid reached up to grab it.

“Watch it, dummy!” he would say as he wagged a bony finger. “Stupid is contagious, you know.” Then he would cackle like a maniac and speed away with “Pop Goes the Weasel” blaring at full volume from the rusty speakers mounted on top of his truck.

Usually, an ice cream song is the most exciting thing a person can hear. A single note can stir a frenzy of joy and inspire urgent giggle sprints. But that summer—the summer Cromulous Blotch became the ice cream man in the Dells—the kids learned to fear the twinkly sound of the ice cream truck approaching . . .

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